Nkem

Dear Nkem. This is such a rude shock. And even those words feel like a gross understatement.

************

I met Nkem so many years ago that I can’t even remember when it was exactly. I was an ardent lover of Pilates and could not find a gym or instructor who offered classes in Lagos back then. So when I happened to meet a lady called Oyinkan Talabi who taught Pilates, I rushed with glee to sign-up for classes.

Her studio was in a grand old house in Ikoyi (one of those with HUGE grounds and a driveway that led-up to the massive front doors). It was such an incongruous venue for an exercise class, but that made it feel all the more special.

There we were, a group of about 6 or 8 women doing an exercise that hardly anyone had heard of at the time. And we were hardcore and dedicated, showing-up several times a week.

And it was in one of those classes that I met Nkem. I kept staring at her, believing that I knew her from somewhere. Was it primary school? Secondary school? Not university (I would remember that). Church?

In the end, I could not figure it out and chalked it up to her warm personality making her feel already like a long-lost friend.

We hit it off. Nkem was very easy to talk to and seemed to lead such an exotic and interesting life.

 

************

She was a trained lawyer and worked in sports management when we first met (this sounded totally fascinating to me). After that, she moved into the development space for a few years and eventually into entrepreneurship.

Nkem was such a talented chef with an eye for the artistry of food. Her food always looked beautiful. No wonder she named her business Food Fashion Fusion. Her creations fed the eyes and the tastebuds.

Over the last few years, with life’s busyness, I saw Nkem less in person, but we always caught-up online.

She was at my wedding, which happened to be on her birthday – April 30 (a date that will forever be inextricably linked with Nkem’s birthday)

************

Nkem was such an intentional parent. This was obvious to anyone, even those who only knew her from her social media feed. In case I wasn’t quite aware of it before, Nkem’s approach reminded me that ‘parent’ was a verb and not just a title.

She purposefully ordered her life so that she could devote time and energy to what mattered most to her: her family.

I watched videos of school projects she helped her sons complete with incredulity and awe. She made it all seem so fun. Personally, I was dreading the time that my children would have to do all these time-sapping assignments.

And when my daughter got her first of this kind of project, I groaned, but then thought of Nkem. “What would Nkem do?”

With no more dragging of feet, I pulled my weight in helping my daughter come-up with a fabulous project (I might even have taken over at a point, but let’s not mention this to her teachers…).

I have to be honest, Nkem really exemplified what a parent should be: loving, deliberate, organised, sacrificial, fun, but still very much her own person.

She inspired me to do more activities with my children, indulge in more silliness and fun and make more thoughtful decisions about how to raise them.

When my first instinct – after work or at the weekends – is to take a nap or curl-up in bed with a book or a Netflix show, I’m more gingered to go and create memories with my family.

Dear Nkem, thank you for all the important lessons you taught so many of us.

I am thankful for your life and all the love you gave. We will miss you so much.

Rest in peace, Nkem.